Senioritis or Senior-FRIGHT-us?
April 7, 2023
We had to apply for graduation in January. Right after the holidays, a nice break and winter throwing its shade our way. We had to click those boxes and make it official, our time at UM-Dearborn is fleeting. January started the final semester for every senior graduating this Spring, and although we have been dreaming of this time for years (some of us four or five, others 20+), it crept up on us quickly.
In talking to many of my fellow seniors, I think the one thing we are all wondering is, why are we not just coasting to the end? Enjoying our last weeks of undergrad and soaking up all the accomplishments, accolades, and good vibes? In the middle of this week, I had a mini meltdown…about, well, everything. What am I going to do in six weeks when I graduate? Should I be applying for jobs? Should I be looking for post-grad internships? Should I finally accept that a required word count is just a college thing? And that’s coupled with ALL of the stressors of ending a semester (papers, tests, projects).
Senior year can be a lot. It is a fence-riding act where we waver between wanting to just be done with school (20-page papers, group projects, and 2-hour-long exams), and trying to savor every last moment before things get real. It’s a weird catch-22 to be in. You want to run while tossing your graduation cap in the air in celebration, but your mind and heart catch up to you and remember the good memories of undergrad, the security you felt at UM-Dearborn, and the fact that—insert impending doom-ish style music—you have to actually do something with your degree.
I am scared.
But it’s not a “trembling in the corner” type of scared. It’s more of a “can I actually make it out in the world” kind of scared.
Now, I am no stranger to the working world. Before returning to school at UM-Dearborn, I worked in corporate retail management for 15 years. I was a regional trainer and essentially “made it” for myself (I’ll say made it work because it didn’t fulfill me, and I wasn’t truly happy). I also have done a few internships in the past couple of years that have helped me see the application of what I learned in courses in the real world. However, putting yourself out there and doing what it is you were so passionate about that you decided to get a degree in, is something completely different. I guess what I’m actually feeling is nerves. Not an immense fear, but nervousness that something you are so invested in, linked to, and want, is actually coming to fruition. And you hold the power to make it happen. Or mess it up.
It is natural to doubt yourself. I have learned, in one of my very last classes of undergrad, that our self-talk matters. I am very much the person that can project positivity to everyone, but when it comes to myself, I am an internal wrecking ball. And that’s just not healthy. So, I have to stop and think when I am in those self-questioning modes.
So, this past week has been filled with stress and nerves. But it has also been filled with triumphs; finishing a big project, turning in a paper, touring a storied PR firm in Detroit, and talking to the Chancellor and many Deans. When I get inside my own head I have to stop, breathe, and alter my thinking. And it’s work, but it changes your mindset, which in turn, changes your emotional connection to the fear and nerves. I turned my “can’t” into “try” and my “I don’t think I can do this” into “I know I can, even if I am scared.”
I like to reflect. Those moments you thought you would never get through, that difficulty you never thought you could overcome, that stress you felt weighing you down, well – you’re here and you’re still standing, which means, you got through it all. I have wasted so much time worrying about things that I forgot to enjoy them, and upon reflection, we see that every bad day has an end. It’s our choice how we approach that new day. We can choose to let things carry over to the next day, or we can start anew.
So, yes, I am still scared (thought I was going to tell you I overcame that, huh?) Senior year is a lot. But what no one tells you is that it’s okay to feel scared. It’s okay to think of the future and be unsure about your path. It’s okay to be happy about senior year and finally being done—I’m looking at you group project—and it’s okay to be a bit sad, too. Years of hard work, perseverance, and dedication come down to this one degree. And in a single moment, our names are called, we walk the stage, and we reminisce about those years and everything that came with them.
But that degree, that’s the thing that should be inside your head when you start to feel nervous, doubtful, or fearful. You made it. You worked for it. You kept moving. You earned it.
Being a senior is everything because the next step is the future.